Sunday, January 01, 2012

Trading Up to Balls of Steel

While 2011 was one of the more 'difficult' years of my life, it was also one of the best in terms of my personal growth/development and improvement.

When I review the year, I feel pretty good. There was a lot this year that I went through that was un-bloggable, which is why the frequency of postings took a huge hit. But, I learned that wading through sh*t doesn't always leave you smelling like a cesspool.

While it might have taken me 36 years to get to this point, the point is, I'm here now. Here's some of what 2012 brought me:

* After two years of sweeping an emotionally devastating and toxic situation under the rug, I traded my cojones up to a Steel Pair, rolled up my sleeves, and slogged through it (and I have the therapy bills to prove it, lol.)

And you know what? Despite I was pretty sure that it would at times, my head did not fall off and roll across the floor. In fact, I'd say my head has never been screwed on tighter. Pretty cool.

* I garnered the strength to set some Boundaries for Mental/Emotional Health in my life and relationships. Knowing that there would be backlash, but not knowing just how much backlash there would be, but still establishing them anyways, was scary. Really, really scary.

But I did it. I knew that I had to, no matter the outcome (because the outcome that mattered most was my health), and I did it.

Pride is not always healthy, but in this case it is. I am really, really proud of myself.

* I surrounded myself with a group of amazing women and friends who gave me the strength and encouragement I needed when I wasn't quite certain I could power through on my own. Everyone in this world should have such a fierce, loving group of people to hold up the corners of one's safety net. I am beyond blessed.

* I learned to deal with passive aggressive people. Because suddenly this year, it seemed like they were popping up left and right. I learned to not care or become unnerved. And conversely, I learned to not allow people to force their passive aggressive propaganda down my throat. Because I found that most people who excel at the passive aggressive art do so because they are not used to people saying, "No, that's not how it went/is/will go at all." So, if someone was going to drag me through the mud with some bullcwap, I wasn't going to sit by and demurely take it.

I wasn't rude, or aggressive, but I spoke up for myself. And it felt good.

* Not once, but Twice, I went into full-immersion situations on the turf of groups of people where I am unliked/looked down upon/villified, and twice I came out with my integrity intact, my head held high, and my high road well-traveled upon. I don't like using the word "revenge," but living well and acting well is a great way to deal with toxic people.

* I began respecting myself again. I began liking myself again.

So, despite the hardships, I'm totally okay with how 2011 went down in the books. This morning while drinking my cup of coffee, I got out a polishing cloth and shined up my pretty new balls as part of my brand-new 2012 Morning Routine.

And 2012 can bring it; my shiny balls and myself are ready.


Kristine said...

You go girl!!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Rock on!

I love that you shine your steel balls every morning. LOL!

Your friends are proud of you too!