Friday, April 29, 2011

The Long, Dragged-Out and Yet Still Unresolved Saga of Mr. Stinky Pants

One of my dear Haitian Sensations--who for the sake of dignity and privacy I will hereby bestow the nickname Mr. Stinky Pants-- has had, since he came home, bowel movements which smell so horrific they can clear a house.

I don't mean like stinky boy poop. I mean his bowel movements are the Freddy Krueger/Norman Bates/Hannibal Lector of bowel movements.

Nasty. Stuff.

Anyways, coming home from Haiti, we had him tested for all the typical crud that these kids come home with. Everything was negative except for something I can't recall the name of and couldn't pronounce or hope to spell even if I could.

So we gave him a good dose of a strong parasiticide, and everything came back fine and dandy in the next two stool samples.

Although, the horror of the poop never went away.

For the past few months, it has been nagging at me that something just isn't right and healthy--physically speaking-- with my boy. Mr. Stinky Pants started developing knock-you-down breath, which, as gross as this sounds, smells like a less-intense bowel movement. Something just wasn't right, but in a major way.

So, I brought him back in for a check, and left with the beloved top-hat stool collection bowl, pooper scooper and specimen container.

I deposited the kit and child with the Mister, and hightailed it out of the house.

This morning, upon returning home after a visit at Jill's, I found 5 messages.

3 from the pediatrician's office.

2 from the Health Department.

F*ck-a-dilly-duckious.


Turns out, my dear Mr. Stinky Pants is suffering from:

Giardiasis and Cryptosporidiosis‏.


Ugh.
That's a pretty big 'ewwww' factor all on its own.

But wait!

It gets even grosser.

Not only does my boy have that, he also has--

wait for it---

a

TAPEWORM FROM RAT DUNG NOT FOUND IN THE U.S.

I am still trying hard not to puke.

Or get within 200 feet of his butt.

The game plan is for me to collect the pharmacological miracles from CVS this afternoon. Tomorrow morning, the big de-worming will begin.

Given the fact that I am squeamish and the Mister is already a pharmaceutical expert, he automatically wins the Parent in Charge spot with Mr. Stinky Pants.

I will be taking the other 4 children and running for dear life. Actually, we'll be running to a mall, a far, far away mall, to buy Mr. Stinky Pants a few treats/toys to help cheer him up. Because after 2 years of this, the kid needs a good cheering up.

Do you think Hallmark makes a "Congratulations on Being Parasite-Free" card? Hmmm. It's something for them to consider.


14 comments:

Me said...

I am so glad you posted because I too have one Haitian sensation with the exact same stinky pants and stinky breath. I am so writing down the names of these and hauling this child back to the doctor. Even though said child has been tested I'm with you, something ain't right. Hope it clears up quickly for you. That stench is unbearable!

ManyBlessings said...

Oh my gosh I'm going to hurl.

Oh nasty.

Poor kid!!!!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Thank GOd, I mean THANK GOD you have a pharmaceutical expert right there in the house with you to take care of these things. A professional! What luck!

MattyP said...

I'm going to have to stop checking your blog over lunch.

Last Mom said...

Ew, ew, ew. Poor Kiddo!!! So glad you were persistent and got to the bottom (ha ha) of it!

Anonymous said...

In more ways than one, you are truly tired of his sh*t, aren't you? :)

Mr. Stinky Pants, with breath that would knock out Binaca, may be afflicted but, on the bright side, we may be a short time away from him being cured. As GI Joe said, knowing is half the battle. Of course, the other half is the crap we have to put up with.....

Mr. Happy His Sinuses are Stuffed

J. said...

glad you at least know what it is now and can treat it! If it maked you feel any better my canadian born, never travelled outside of Canada kid also has a parasite and one that he only could of gotten if he lived in the tropics of the southern US.... I do not want to know hwere he picked up or who he got it from but trust me when i say I would of rahter have a lab tell me the results than the way that we found out! Have fun toy shopping

Janet said...

I am so glad you posted this because I have two stinkier and one with bad breath. (the breath is so bad it would knock a buzzard of a shit wagon)
We are going to Dr Monday so I will ask for multiples kits while my husband will be in town!!!LOL

bbbunch said...

Oh. My. I am so sorry...I hope he feels so much better soon. I know the Mister is up to the job...he cleaned up my daughter's puke off of your kitchen floor while smiling. He can do anything!

Love you!
Beck

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

I'm so sorry for your youngin'...and I'm sorry that I'll have to send you the bill for a new laptop keyboard. Laughter+Coke=need for keyboard

Rose Anne said...

Sarah,
all I can say is O My! Atleast now you know why.....I pray that this will finally be the end of this for both you and him..
YUCH! You might want to try a probiotic after he is finished with his treatment...
God Bless,
Rose Anne

Amy said...

Wow. No words. Question though. How the heck did they miss that the previous times he was tested?!? J was tested and all came back normal. But I still wonder. Not because of stink you out of the house BMs but because he eats obscene amounts of food and is still quite skinny. I know he is a 13 year old boy but jeepers creepers he puts the food away. Maybe I should have him checked again. Did they say if the rest of you should be tested? Ewww. Whole body quiver.
Amy (TN)

Lisa said...

YEP, ditto here, still dealing with all the same "crap!" We are on our well "poop" I don't even remember what # of stool sample we are on now. Check for H.Pylori as well, that is a new one that we just discovered and causes severe stomach ulcers if it goes untreated.

Tracy said...

EWWWWWWWWWW. But, now you're making me wonder. We have SAME issues. Stinky poop, stinky breath. Had some parasites, but treated numerous times, and lab said now negative. UGH! I might have to get her tested yet again. Tape worm?? Will it come out as one long worm? I couldn't handle that.