One of my dear Haitian Sensations--who for the sake of dignity and privacy I will hereby bestow the nickname Mr. Stinky Pants-- has had, since he came home, bowel movements which smell so horrific they can clear a house.
I don't mean like stinky boy poop. I mean his bowel movements are the Freddy Krueger/Norman Bates/Hannibal Lector of bowel movements.
Anyways, coming home from Haiti, we had him tested for all the typical crud that these kids come home with. Everything was negative except for something I can't recall the name of and couldn't pronounce or hope to spell even if I could.
So we gave him a good dose of a strong parasiticide, and everything came back fine and dandy in the next two stool samples.
Although, the horror of the poop never went away.
For the past few months, it has been nagging at me that something just isn't right and healthy--physically speaking-- with my boy. Mr. Stinky Pants started developing knock-you-down breath, which, as gross as this sounds, smells like a less-intense bowel movement. Something just wasn't right, but in a major way.
So, I brought him back in for a check, and left with the beloved top-hat stool collection bowl, pooper scooper and specimen container.
I deposited the kit and child with the Mister, and hightailed it out of the house.
This morning, upon returning home after a visit at Jill's, I found 5 messages.
3 from the pediatrician's office.
2 from the Health Department.
Turns out, my dear Mr. Stinky Pants is suffering from:
Giardiasis and Cryptosporidiosis.
That's a pretty big 'ewwww' factor all on its own.
It gets even grosser.
Not only does my boy have that, he also has--
wait for it---
TAPEWORM FROM RAT DUNG NOT FOUND IN THE U.S.
I am still trying hard not to puke.
Or get within 200 feet of his butt.
The game plan is for me to collect the pharmacological miracles from CVS this afternoon. Tomorrow morning, the big de-worming will begin.
Given the fact that I am squeamish and the Mister is already a pharmaceutical expert, he automatically wins the Parent in Charge spot with Mr. Stinky Pants.
I will be taking the other 4 children and running for dear life. Actually, we'll be running to a mall, a far, far away mall, to buy Mr. Stinky Pants a few treats/toys to help cheer him up. Because after 2 years of this, the kid needs a good cheering up.
Do you think Hallmark makes a "Congratulations on Being Parasite-Free" card? Hmmm. It's something for them to consider.