Knocking on wood be damned, because this week, it's my turn.
Welcome to Our Home!
As you go to pull up in our driveway, you realize an unfamiliar car is parked in the drive. Please, don't drive on, thinking that you would disrupt us with company.
Pull on in. There is no other company. It's just my mom's car, although she isn't here.
Why do we have her car? Because my van is sitting, lifeless, in the garage. Later this evening, the Mister needs to somehow breathe life into the (ad)Venture so that we can get it to the other side of town to the mechanic.
So come on now, get out of the car and walk on up to our front step.
Please don't take the missing doorknob as a sign that we really don't want you here. Just because you won't be able to physically open the door to gain entry doesn't mean we don't love you.
It just means that we are too tired/too lazy/too out of time to determine the best way to get a handle on our problem.
Whoohoo! I'm feeling pun-ny today!
Oh, and if the door bell doesn't ring, but instead emits a low, pulsating buzz that sounds JUST like it is about to electrocute you, Don't Worry!
It hasn't electrocuted anyone thus far. Plus, the dogs recognize the sound and will bark madly to let us know of your arrival.
Now that you've made it past the mind game of the unfamiliar car, and you circumnavigated the door without a handle (and electric current), and you have really, truly stepped foot into our abode, let me offer you a cool refreshment.
Provided that you request a non-perishable refreshment that does not come from the fresh food side of the refrigerator.
Because on Saturday, the freaking refrigerator door FELL OFF.
And being the handy dandy folk that we are, some old encyclopedias and small plastic wedges are holding the now defunct door in place.
However, if you promise not to touch the door, I promise that it will not fall on top of you.
So come on over! We'd love to have you. And while you are here, drinking water and noshing on non-perishable treats, I promise not to go off on a long, angry they-don't-'em-like-they-used-to tirade.
Because you know what they say! If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.
Provided that those lemons are on the counter, and not in the fresh food section of your fridge that you cannot open.