Friday, February 04, 2011

The Dance That Almost Wasn't

While we do not live in a large metropolitan area, we are very fortunate to have a large, active, local homeschooling organization. Field trips, spelling bees, geography bees, science fairs, proms, teen groups, tween groups, Friday field day (organized phy ed), competitive volley ball, basketball, track & field, graduation ceremonies, etc, are all available for the choosing.

Including a Father/Daughter Valentine's Dance, to be held tonight.

So in our little nook of the woods, we have some neat choices. Which is pretty awesome.

The less than awesome fact about this group is that it is a "Christian" group (no slam on Christians; I am one) and sometimes the attitudes are a little over-the-top and . . . well, those over-the-top, holier-than-thou attitudes really run the show at times.

Let me explain.

Earlier in the week, I received a phone call from the dance organizer. In a very concerned voice, she explained: "I'm afraid to have to tell you this, but we simply cannot honor your requested song for the dance because, well, you see, it has sexually explicit lyrics in it."

For the life of me, I couldn't remember what song I wrote down on the form. I vaguely recalled feeling guilty that I wasn't able to volunteer for the dance set up and decorating committee, so I had quickly tried to think of a cute song for the Mister and my girls to dance to.

"Ah, what song did I request again?" I asked.

"Brown-Eyed Girl. By a . . . let's see. . . Van Morrison."

Of course! WTF is wrong with Brown-Eyed Girl? Cute song, and Paloma has brown eyes. Made sense to me.

I nearly snorted out loud. "Seriously? That song is sexually explicit?" I asked, humming, sha la la la la la la la la la la dee da.

"Well, you see, the phrase "Making love in the green grass" is most inappropriate for this type of activity," she explained, in a weird voice that was the perfect blend of holier-than-thou bitchiness with appropriate embarrassment for having to have such filth come off her holy tongue.

I bit my less-than-holy tongue from saying, "Well, Gawd, I'm so glad I didn't request that I'm Too Sexy song."

I bit my less-than-holy tongue from saying, "Seriously? SERIOUSLY? You call that sexually explicit?!? Kiss my ass!"

I bit my less-than-holy tongue from saying, "You know what? Shove it! I'm going to start my own homeschooling group for moms who use the word 'fuck.'"

Instead, I said the appropriate Christian Homeschool Mom reaction, "Well, goodness! Of course I understand. I guess I could only recall those fun "sha la la la's" in the song."

Barf.

Oh, the things we do for our children. And our husbands. Because, one of the things that I am MOST thankful for in this world is that my Mister is a KICK ASS FATHER to our daughters.

He is so connected with each of our girls. He and Hatfield have a very tight, special bond. In fact, I have a cute story to share about that in another post, but those two are Joke-Telling, Scary-Movie-Watching, Kindred Souls. He and Po, well, I'm still not quite sure if any of my DNA is actually in Po. I'm pretty sure I was just the alien carrier for Cliff's pure genetic material.

Anyways, the Good News is that we were not kicked out from the home school association.
So the Mister came home today to present his two lovely daughters with corsages.

The plan is to take the girls to Red Robin for dinner (but of course! Where else would the deprived family members of a vegetarian kitchen commander go?), and then onward to the dance.

Pretty Dresses?

Check.

Dapper Daddy?
Check.

Paloma decked out in a FABULOUS coat?

Check.

Now, if the Mister can only keep Po from dancing like she did here, about 30 seconds into this video, then it's probably a safe bet that we'll still be in the home school association upon the evening's end.




Yeah, good luck with that one, Mister.

5 comments:

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

OH! They look so lovely and so excited, and Big C looks all thrilled even!

Sawatzky family said...

Hahahaha!!!! luv it Sarah... Luv. It.
That song is a staple in this house I think I would have had a similar reaction to yours lol.
The girls look beautiful as always! And Cliff looks very nice indeed with that hat! :) I think I have husand hat envy Shanw tried one of those on the other day and we both just about died! hahaaaa

bbbunch said...

That's good stuff. You're a hussy ;)

ManyBlessings said...

The hoochie-mama dance. Perfect.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

=D

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

Holier-than-thou stance on "Brown Eyed Girl" BOO

Soccer dance COMPLETELY AWESOME