Thursday, October 14, 2010

Rally-Ho!

So.

How's your week going? Wanna hear a story that will make you maybe will make you feel better about your week? (Maybe it won't, but it's worth a shot!)

My week started out by having to take a child back to school so he could clean up his "pea." Because he went to school mad (Mommy discovered a huge puddle of pea in his bedroom that morning), and of course, when you get mad, why not pea on something at school when no one's looking?

Fan-freaking-tabulous!

Talk about taking the Mom's Walk of Shame to a whole new level.

But, whatever. It is no longer about my own sense of shame. I needed to take the child to school to clean it up because he had so much paranoia that someone there would find out what he did and he'd get in a lot of trouble and be teased mercilessly. So anxious that he couldn't function. He was jumpy and edgy and agitated. Although the last thing I wanted to do was take him back to school and say, "Excuse me, but my child would like to tell you something, and I guarantee you that you won't be prepared for this one," but my boye needed to talk to the teacher, clear the air and come away feeling trouble-free.

Fortunately, that's exactly what happened. Because you can see where that scenario could have gone south real fast.

And, man, it was not one of my prouder mothering moments.

Truthfully, something GOOD is coming out of it. This little guy needs a neuro-psych eval done to explore reasons for his learning delays and the specific type of delays. But schools, shockingly, are slow to order these. Especially with Kindy kids, because they typically take the stance: let's wait and see if he grows out of it.

But this Kindy teacher rocks. She sees that something here is just not "quite right" and is not likely a grow-out-of-it type of scenario. Yesterday, she called me and said, "I have it all set up; we need to meet on Monday for the paperwork releases and establishing the plan of action."

Rock on! And why the urgency? Because it's not normal for a {normal} child to pea on stuff when he's angry.

Really? Because clearly I've been living in this Crazy Pea Village for so long that I sorta forget what normal is to other people.

Not.

To my own surprise, I have rallied pretty well after that golden moment. Of course, being sick and having no energy whatsoever may be the main factor contributing to my relaxed attitude. But I'll take what I can get.

This morning, the Mister is putting in his own time at the school. Yesterday, the other child, who went to school madder than a hornet because his teacher "tattled" on him to his Mom, decided to sabotage his lunch box and purposefully leave his special water bottle with his name on it behind in the cafeteria.

Now, I know what most parents of kindergartners are thinking: So the kid left behind his thermos? Big deal! Kindy boys are careless.

And yes, most kindy boys are most certainly careless. But not this one. This child is hyper vigilant with all things belonging to him. He would NEVER leave something behind unless if somehow, in his own head, it would be a "Ha! I'll show them!" sort of moment.

But for this child, his "Ha! I'll show them!" moment turned into a devastating, "What did I do? I loved that thermos! I feel so angry that Mom made me so angry that I lost my stuff! I hate Mom!"

Fan-freaking-tabulous.

Part of me would love to say, "Ha! You did it on purpose, so tough! Live with it!"

But that's not the right thing to say. So instead, we created a plan where the Mister would take him to school (I should be the one taking him, truthfully, but after the whole pea thing and now being sick and the Mister is finally back in town, I'm handing it off to him), they would look for the damned thermos. If they find it, great. If not, we've set up a list of chores where he can earn a new one, which helps take away the shame based feeling of "my lunchbox is ruined" to a pride-based feeling of, "I fixed the problem."

Which is great. Although many times, it leaves the Mister and I feeling tired and wondering: "Can it ever be easy?"

Nope.

The Mister just called. They searched the L&F's and the cafeteria. No thermos to be found. Mom made me lose my thermos.

I know that at some point, this entire process of "acting poorly, refusing to accept responsibility, blame Mom instead" will become less shocking and not raise my blood pressure. Kinda like the pea thing evolved. But I'm not there yet.

The Mister was kind enough to take the teacher aside to give him the heads up that our boy is very angry today, and when he's angry, he says stuff like: "My mom told me that if I lose my thermos she's going to throw away my backpack and feed me creamed spinach and snakes and lock me up in the Iron Maiden in my closet."

Fan-freaking-tabulous.

But, seriously, if good can come out of my kid peaing on the Kindy room carpet, then good can come out of this, right?

Rally-ho, Mommy. Rally-ho!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think I said something along the lines of "when M gets mad, he'll make outrageous claims like his dad created the question mark, or accuse chestnuts of being lazy, or that his mother places him in a burlap bag and beats him with reeds". Not sure if the teacher was old enough to get the reference!

Mr.

Marta said...

Thank you so much for writing this down. I have pretty much this same thing, except that it's all wrapped up in one child as opposed to spread out to two. Either way, difficult, and most people dont get it, although folks in my circle are beginning to understand that we have a real problem on our hands, You are right to be proactive with the crazy things they say when they get upset with what they did and then transfer blame to you...my problem was that people in authority positions took my child seriously and that is how childrens services came into my life, which has been almost as big as a nightmare as the behavior issues.

Anyway, for comraderie's sake I will tell you my latest pee story. After she ran away the other night and I called the sheriff, she showed back up about the same time the law did. He was trying to talk to her (yeah, right, like talking sense is gonna work!) and she was trying to get away and I was holding her in place. She then resorted to telling me she had to go to the bathroom, to which I replied "no, you just want to leave" so then she threatened to pee right there if I did not let her go. I did not give in and she peed on the floor,all over herself, with the deputy right there. Then she stripped off her pants. Later she ended up in the emergency room, and after that the psyche hospital, again.

So again, I say, thanks for writing this stuff. I for one have decided I am so over the the sugarcoat stage.