Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Y'all Can Keep Ole Sparkly Boy

So last night, a friend and I went to see Eclipse, the latest installment in the Twilight film series.

I wish I could say that it was really good or that you should rush out and see it.

But I can't.

Not because I can't get over the fact that I am old.

Never mind the fact that Angie and I were perhaps among the 5 oldest people in the theatre.

It was just, while watching the film, my internal dialogue was this:

Bella, could you be any whinier?

Edward, you're like 117 years old. Please tell me exactly what you see in this whiny, mopey girl.

Jacob, you are 16 years old. You know nothing about love. Now Edward, he's 117, so I get that he can be a judge of love. But you are 16. And furry. Get over it.

Bella, could you be any whinier?

If that were my 17 year old daughter jumping on a back of a motorcycle, I'd ground her and shoot the guy.

Bella, could you be any whinier?

Dear Lord, I really hope that I like my children's dates.

Bella, could you be any more mopey?

Could this movie be any choppier?

Gag me with a spoon, Jacob.

Bella, could you be any whinier or any more moepy?? Oh, next scene, yep, it looks like you can!!!

No, ole Sparkly One & His Mopey Whiney Bunch just isn't it for me.

Instead, I prefer to watch (True Blood)/
read (Sookie Stackhouse series)
me some
real
Manly
Men

Vampires.

What team are you on?

Team Bill?


Team Eric?

Or are hairy guys your thing, and you're team Alcide?

Decisions, decisions.

The Sookie Stackhouse series has to be the best, most entertaining, forward-moving, character and plot driven series of books I have ever read. Funny, suspenseful, s*xy, scary. I've read all 10 and not one has disappointed. Not one little bit. Charlaine Harris is a genius.

Sookie Stackhouse has to be the sweetest, toughest, and most genuine female protagonist in one of these series around. She rarely whines, and when she does, you get why.

As for me, I am, like, totally all about Team Eric.

Why?

Apart from all the delicious obviousness,if he were to meet Bella in a dark alley, he would put up with her whining for all of 15 seconds before he would drain her dry and put her out of her own whining misery.

And then, and only then, with the whole I'm-too-old-for-this-teen thing aside, I would probably be willing to sit and watch the next Twilight installment.

2 comments:

geralyn said...

Madison and her friends love the Twilight books/movies. I have read the first two book and find them B.O.R.I.N.G and predictable. Maybe it's cuz I'm as old as a freaking crypt keeper or maybe it's just cuz they're really boring for grown-ups.

This is what I can't get, and sadly it confirms my membership in the old mom club, but why do people find the actor that plays Edward handsome? To me, he looks like Bella could whoop his behind even while she whines and mopes and complains about the tragedies of having two dudes love her. Such a major bummer! I mean, like, totally bogus! ;)

Megan said...

I thought the same thing about Bella. I just can't stand how she talks and stops about 10 different times in a sentence! She is just too awkward to be likeable! But for some reasons, the Twilight series is still like crack for me!