Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Officially Boggled

My big plans for free time with Hatfield each morning while the kids are at VBS were short-lived.

We had one morning of freedom, and then it imploded.

I don't think my boys are quite equipped to deal with a short-term, high-energy, structured-environment where someone new is in charge. It took each of them a while to understand class rules and their teacher's expectations in 4-K. And neither handled it well yesterday.

Day 1 brought forth a situation where Keenan acted aggressively towards his brother and a few others, and both boys began to wrestle under the table. One didn't want to listen to the teacher, and the other couldn't remember that tables weren't for standing on top of.

Ay ay ay.

So after naptime, I took the boys aside to talk to them about the incidents. Not to scold, reprimand or consequence. But to discuss appropriate school and church behavior, and possibly figure out to whom in class was owed an apology.

Keenan, the instigator in most situations, took complete ownership of his bad choices. He said he gets happy and excited, and then forgets rules.

I can roll with that. We can work on that together. I am proud that he was able to articulate it so well.

But what do you do with a child who is so control-oriented who will make up lies (taking the blame for something they did not did), because telling Mommy the truth makes them angry and they would rather have a consequence for something they didn't do than tell Mom the truth about a good choice they made?

If you know the answer to this question, please let me know.

My mind if Officially Boggled.

The Triple Threat plays soccer once a week, on Mondays. It's the highlight of their week.

Yesterday, Miles decided that he would rather stay in his room than play. Because, as he said, he "no likes soccer. I like ba manti's (lies)?"

Even when I tried to be really soft and gentle and knelt down by his side and said, "Miles, I really don't think that's true. I know how much you like soccer. Could you please think about going?"

For the record, acting like that/saying things like that, is NOT easy. Not. At. All. And I'm not very good at it. But yesterday, seeing him so obstinate that he was missing something he truly loves, just made me really, really sad.

But no go. He was not budging.

Then, to top that, yesterday evening, he spent FIVE hours standing in the corner of his room.

Did I put him in the corner?

He did.
Seriously, what kind of kid puts himself in the corner for 5 hours? And why?

Because I told him it was bedtime, and asked him to climb into his bed. And he doesn't want to because Mommy wants him to sleep in his cozy bed.

When I came upstairs at 11 pm, there he was, swoozy with exhaustion, but doggedly standing nonetheless.

"Sweetie, WHY are you standing in the corner?"
"Because you want me to go sleep."


"Well, that makes me really sad, because I love you a lot and bought you that really nice bed so you could be all cozy and comfy."

I didn't know what else to say. I was tired, hurting, frustrated and pissed. So I went to bed myself.

This morning, every time I walked by, he turned away.

I announced meals, and he said, No. He doesn't want to eat because Mommy wants him to eat.

I brought him glasses of water when he was sleeping, only to have him dump them over when awake.

It's trauma, and I don't begin to understand this.

Miles does not want to do anything that he feels I want him to do. I think this is about fear/control for him. He really wants to control the show.

For now, I told him that if he wants to lie, be mean, not answer, pee on the floor, etc., he has to stay in his room. "Excellent," he told me.

When he is strong and feeling ready to be a Family Boy, all he has to do is let me know and we'll get him cleaned up, fed and off to the playroom.

We'll see, I guess. And now I'm so spent just re-living all of this, that I just don't have it in me to go into Keenan's Day 2 at VBS.

Seriously though, I should look on the bright side. Today doesn't beat the phone call from 4-K I had that one day when he was running around the entire freakin' school with a screwdriver he swiped from the teacher's closet, and no one in the school could catch him.

Nope, today doesn't even come close.
So that's one thing to celebrate, right?

After the past 24 hours, I'll take progress in whatever warped and twisted way, shape or form I can get it :)


geralyn said...

I wish I had some magic answers for you, but sadly I don't. What I do have is the hope of us sitting together by a lake, with a smuggled beer in hand, putting our heads and hearts together to get thru this unique life! See you soon! xoxoxo

bbbunch said...

Wowsa...sending love your way! So sorry about your special time with Hattie :( Can I help at all so you and Hattie could go do something special together? Let me know...thinking of you!