Saturday, January 30, 2010

Changes

What is it about birthdays that end in -0 or -5 that makes you sit back and spend a lot of time evaluating your life?

I've seen a quote floating around FB and the blogging world that goes something like: Figure out your priorities and then figure out where you spend the bulk of your time. If they don't match up, then your life isn't in sync with your priorities, etc.

My priority has long been, and still is, being a wife and mother. Given the fact that I am a homemaker and have made the decision to homeschool my children, at first glance, yes indeed, my daily schedule certainly reflects my life's priority.

But then I have to break it down. How much time do I spend each day, with each child? What do I do? What's the breakdown of computer/phone time, etc?

What type of qualities do I want to demonstrate? Am I more concerned about being the "cool" mom, or do I care more about the character development of my children, trusting that if we raise them right now (which includes upsetting a pre-teen every now and again), we'll grow into healthy adult relationships? Do I take the easy way out to avoid conflict (and hard work), or am I willing to set my lazy nature aside and roll up my sleeves and get dirty?

Long after my children are grown and gone, it will be the Mister and me. Am I strengthening my marriage, or am I just letting things slide while I am busy with the little ones? When my husband comes home, do we take time to talk together? Or do we go off and do our own thing on the Wii or the computer? Do we take time for date nights? Or if we can't find a babysitter, do we make out when the kids aren't looking? Am I taking advantage of the fact that a woman's sex drive peaks in her mid-30s, or do I write each evening off because I'm tired? Do we have rituals/hobbies/habits that reflect our commitment to each other?

All things to think about, and honestly evaluate. Because like it or not, we only have just so many hours in a day. And those are ours to make our break our life with.

The Mister, who just celebrated a non-0 or -5 birthday, has found that he hit a major career milestone before the age of 40. At first I thought this sort of "accomplish this goal by the time I'm this age" milestone thing was strange, like it was just a man thing. But then I remembered my goal between Paloma's 24 and 36 months of life was for both her and I to get through it alive (thankfully, we achieved that one!)

Mars/Venus aside, the Mister is now thinking about the next steps he wants to pursue and accomplish, and how to do them in conjunction with being a father of (gulp) five. Or maybe someday even (gulp) six or seven.

(Sorry, Mister. Just had to throw that in to Freak. You. Out!)

Since the holidays we each have been dealing with a steady succession of incidents when others have been completely rude, if not hostile, to us. I once posted about why I love being in my 30s, and part of that is because I realize that while it's always good to forgive, I don't have to be a doormat for anyone else while they work through their own issues.

We trudged our way past the holidays, and then the Haiti earthquake completely took the wind out of our sails. Emotionally we found (and still find) ourselves exhausted. Wanting to help, but only being able to do so much, feeling helpless and frustrated at watching a broken, overwhelmed and often poorly-thought out system.

This February, we are committing ourselves to making some changes in our lives. Some big, some little, but after the past month and a half, I need to make some positive changes so that I can begin feeling optimistic and hopeful again. Changes so that we can begin to propel ourselves forward, a continuation of pursuing our personal life goals and missions.

So in February, I'm going to post about some of these changes and why we've made them. I'm going to try hard to change my personal momentum from that of a Tired Trudging through Each Day to a momentum of Purposefully Working Towards a Goal.

Bear with me if some days I seem to rah-rah or Pollyanna. But after a month and a half that we just got through, I need to jolt myself out of this rut. And sometimes, jumping headfirst into a series of changes is the way to achieve it.

1 comment:

Sawatzky family said...

Sarah....you tease!
I am looking forward to these posts! I love taking stock and mixing things up in our life at times! It is what comes along with life lessons and growth.
Great post :)
I look forward to rah! rahing! along with you!