Saturday, August 01, 2009

Why my Saturday morning won't be photo-logged

Pop Quiz:

What's worse than a Pull-up blowout desecrating 3 towels, 2 washcloths, 1 pair of pajamas, 1 set of bedsheets and 1 bathtub, all courtesy of a 4-year old?

Answer:

A Pull-up blowout desecrating 3 towels, 2 washcloths, 1 pair of pajamas, 1 set of bedsheets and 1 bathtub, all courtesy of a 4-year old suffering from intestinal parasites.

Goodness gracious. (Anyone know what Beastie Boy song that line is in? 5 Gold Stars if you do!)

Poor Miles has major elimination issues. He is petrified of having to do a #2 in the little plastic bowl the hospital gave us. We've been trying to get a sample since last Friday.

He's a sly one, that boy.

Over the weekend and Monday/Tuesday, he used a public restroom each time we left the house. Now I don't know what you would do, but I'm not a Mama who carries around a little plastic bowl, rubber gloves and a testing kit with me in my purse.

On Wednesday, the little stinker waited until I was in the basement, trying to dig out the Crash-n-Go Speedway in the storage room. Soon as that door shut, he ran to the bathroom and did his thing before I knew what happend.

Arrgh.

Then Thursday and Friday he held it. I knew he was holding it. I made numerous attempt to get him to go in the bowl. I tried cheering, soothing, being stern, being overly smiley---nothing. Nada. Zilch. I tried oatmeal, warm baths and running around the yard. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

But at sometime in the night all that trying came to fruition in the biggest blowout ever.

So I need some help here. Experienced stool-testing parents, any advice for me? How do I get him to go in the medical bowl? Keep in mind our language skills are sorely limited, so I can't explain to him just this once, and if I try to bribe him, I don't know how to explain it to him that he won't get a prize everytime.

This is what my life--and blog--has been reduced to. Blogging about poo.

I apologize blog readers, I truly do. But I need the help. So please, share your wisdom!

8 comments:

Aves @ Call of the Phoebe said...

He can go in the toilet bowl with the water as long as he doesn't pee on it. That's the important thing, that it is not contaminated with urine or anything else.

I collected Tuks this way and it was fine.

Aves

bbbunch said...

Ohhhh...sorry! I've got nothing...but I AM gagging a little (you know me :) Good luck!

Beck

Sarah said...

Is it the little plastic bowl that goes under the toilet lid? Would he use a potty chair? I have also heard of people putting a layer of saran wrap over the toilet seat to catch it. Good luck! Been there, done that and luckily one round of Flagyl wiped it out (get cherry flavor if you can because it is nasty tasting!).

Steph, G's Mom said...

O.M.G. that sounds awful.....i can only imagine the smell!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have NO idea how Gyrlande escaped with NO intestinal parasites. We did have scabies, well, she did, but that cleared up after one treatment with the ointment. i am thinking that relentless nighttime itching is totally awesome next to what you just described!!!

ok....if you can get him, maybe with the help of his bro or sis so he doesn't suspect anything's fishy, to go poo in the regular potty without really EXAMINING the inside of the potty first, without really LOOKING inside the potty, then you use good saran wrap and loosely saran wrap the bowl UNDERNEATH the lid so that the poo won't drop into the water, it will be caught in the saran wrap. loosely wrap it so that it is more like....a poo hammock or pouch. not a poo trampoline. you don't want that. once the poo is deposited you just come in and scoop away. as long as you create the right sling, wrapping just right, he can even flush and it won't disturb the saran wrap.

maybe you could fake him out by using the hall light nearest the bathroom so he won't be scared, if he doesn't like the dark, but telling him that the overhead lite in the bathroom is "li kraze jodi'a. nou bezwen repare" meaning it's broken, we need to fix it (remove the bulb cuz he'll probably try to flip the switch himself). then he won't get a good look inside the potty.

if you want to try telling him that you only need him to go in the bowl ONCE, you can say "selman yon sel fwa....m'bezwen tata nan ti bol yon sel fwa, dokte vle gade tata'w yon sel fwa, ok?" it means "only once. i need poop in the little bowl only once. the doctor wants to look at your poo just once, ok? "then maybe you can joke with him that ewww isnt' that gross the doctor wants to look at his poo, but oh well!

there is an awesome kreyol dictionary online, at http://www.kreyol.com/dictionary/Oo.html

really tho if you can wrap the bowl and then have him use it without noticing the plastic, that is your best bet.

let us know! when you are done doing laundry that is. poor dear!

steph

ManyBlessings said...

You technically don't need him to go in the hat. The easiest way is to put him in a pull-up at night. When he does his duty, use a popsicle stick to scrape some of the top stuff into the cup. Get as much in there as you can. Refrigerate until you can bring it in.

Hope this helps.

Sounds like my little stinker (haha) when he came home. ;)

danw

mama bear said...

E. was using a little potty chair at the time but got so excited to dump it in the toilet by himself. There was a few times when I didn't catch it in time, and I told him he needs to let Mama do it. I didn't even use the plastic bowl the lab gave away, just scooped it out of the potty chair bowl. Geerrosss! He was fine, COTP sent him home on Flagil as prevention. He still smelled for a while, since he was getting used to a new diet.

geralyn said...

When our boys realized that we wanted/needed them to go fe poo poo in the plastic bowl on the potty, they looked at us with a "How come we got stuck with these nut jobs as parents?" kind of look! Marc ended up doing this part of the parenting gig as it just seemed like a thing for a daddy to do!!!!!!!! They did it and didn't look very happy, but they did it. No way around this one. Luck and timing are everything. BTW, our boys came out clean as a whistle, parasite wise. YIPPEE for them and us. Good luck on poop scoopin'.

Anonymous said...

Ex Lax Cookies?

Prune Juice?

Of course, I am just kidding....

-Mr.