Thursday, August 27, 2009

These Small Hours

Slowly but surely, we've been chipping away at Keenan's protective shield. And slowly but surely, a smiley, silly (and sometimes sneaky) little boy is emerging.

We've reached a comfortable spot in our home for now, after a long weeking of adjusting pains and homeland grieving. The Mister returned to work on Tuesday (I think I caught him skipping on his way to his car that morning). Which has really helped ease the tension between the two of us. He comes home refreshed, eager to toss some kids up in the air, play Rescue Heroes (I'd rather put a spork in my eye than play R.H., if I'm honest) and whip up a kiddie bubble bath or two.

The first day wasn't too bad. After a morning of being tested and subsequent boundary establishing (which is so exhausting when you have to try and do that in a different language. Wow!), I realized by late afternoon that the day was actually going well.

For me, going from 4 children to 5 children has not been difficult. I actually prefer it because if a child is bored/upset/disgusted by their current playmate, there's always another willing playmate in the next room over. That's awesome.

Now, lest you think I'm bragging, going from 3 to 4 was awful. Awfully difficult, awfully draining, awfully what-the-hell-was-I-thinking. That has nothing to do with Miles. It's just purely numbers and group dynamics. Someone always seemed left out. It was like pulling a pin on a grenade and throwing it into our lives. It was rough.

Of course, 4 to 5 might be so easy because our lives were so disrupted to begin with. It wasn't like we were disrupting the routine we had for the past 4 years; we were simply throwing all the cards from the past 6 weeks. Fortunately, they landed in a neater pile this time around, and I'm enjoying the dynamics of it all. (for now, ha ha ha!)
Watching the children together can be delightful. The caveat being that they get along ;)

As difficult as times can be, there is something magical about these small hours when we watch our family take shape. Moments where the children connect and laugh; moments when a child goes to Manmi or Daddy for comfort for the first time. Even moments where one child becomes jealous that Daddy is carrying and loving on another child, so Daddy soon finds himself with 70 pounds of boy in his arms.

Watching these moments are a grand reminder of God's miracles and His plans for our future.


mary said...

I am so happy for you all.....and Cliff in his younger days has always said he wanted so many children and the Lord has blessed him with his wishes.....he has always had a passion for raising so many kids and as a mother I am so proud of him for having a big heart for any child whether it is his own or adopted. We love you Cliff and our blessings go to you, Sarah and the whole Cruz grandchildren in Wisconsin! Love You all. Mom & Dad

geralyn said...

I adore reading your posts. Your eloquence with words is fabulous and I often find you are able to articulate things I have experienced with our growing family in such a familiar manner I feel you have been peeking in our windows. Going from 2 to 4 overnight was emotionally exhausting for me and the older two. My husband just seemed to roll with the punches and still seems unfazed by our daily chaos. Although he was anxious to chew off his leg chains and return to work after 6 weeks of being at home with our blending frenzy.

Sawatzky family said...

I love these photos sarah!
And am so glas to hear that the good times are rolling in right along with the not so good moments! The Lord is the midst of it all!

Katy said...

Fantastic photos!!! I'm so glad Keenan is settling in and that you are finding happy moments in the chaos. Your insight and honesty are refreshing. What an amazing thing to see all 5 of your children playing together, at last.

Debbie said...

Sarah and Cliff,

Thank you for blogging this blessed journey. The boys are so handsome and fit right in. I can already see the beautiful family dynamics thru your pictures.
We love you guys!!!

The Pagel Pack!!