Monday, February 02, 2009

This is supposed to be relaxing. . .seriously?!?

Lest anyone should think that we actually keep all of our NY Resolutions, I thought I would share this.

In addition to my own early morning yoga sessions, I *thought* it would be great to transform the kids into adorable little yogis. Intense, focused, limber children. How cool would that be?

Here's a breakdown of a Child Yoga session at our home.

We get out the mats/towels.
* The children argue over who is assigned what.
* They begin to swap.
* Atticus begins to cry because someone won't swap with him but would the other.
* Mom's blood pressure raises 3 points. She declares a "freeze" on swapping. Whatever is under your feet is what you use, she announces.

We turn on the DVD.
* The children argue over what workout we should do on that particular day.
* Mom cannot find the friggin' list showing what workout was assigned on that particular day. Mom the dictator randomly chooses one.
* The children protest that we just did that one the day before.
* Mom chooses another while she feels her blood pressure raise another 3 points.

We begin our workout.
* Hatfield manages to place the soles of her feet on the back of her skull, balance on one leg with all remaining limbs starred out around her, and wonders aloud why Mom cannot do all the same moves. This is a children's yoga DVD, after all, she says. So parents should be able to do it.
* Atticus cries because he can't remember what is left and what is right. Hattie tells him it doesn't matter, when it's time to change, just switch to the other side. He is okay with that.
* Atticus cries because he doesn't remember what they told him to do. Mom tells him to watch the tv.
* Atticus falls into the fireplace because instead of focusing on balance, he was watching the tv like Mom told him to so he could see what he needed to do next. Mom made him fall.
* Paloma somehow turns every yoga move into a forward roll. She's like a bowling ball, and the rest of us in our yoga positions, the unfortunate pins. Paloma bowls a LOT of strikes.
* Paloma, bored with yoga (whoever said it increases concentration obviously did not have a 3-year old), begins to crawl under everyone when they are in Downward Dog. She says, in her high falsetto (think the Redrum! kid from The Shining), "I'm a tiny troll under the bridge!"
* Hattie begins to cry because Wanda ran over her hand and Trixie scratched her face, all while she was in the Cobra pose.
* Mom's bloodpressure spikes 10 points.

We conclude.
* Mom mentally calculates that she completely cancelled out any BP-lowering effects from her own early morning workout by attempting a Family Yoga Session.
* Mom takes out the DVD while listening to two crying children and one tiny troll.

Oh well, not every Resolution sticks. Good thing that there's always next year (or 2015!)


Sawatzky Kids said...

OMG!!! This post gave just the laugh I needed! hehehehehehehe
A GOLD STAR for the effort though!

purplepeotone said...

Ha, this was a good read! And I laugh because this is similar to situations in our house!! Sounds like your boy gets easily upset? My 6 yr old boy is the same way...and he is starting to blame almost everything on me! Is it the age? I love the troll, too funny.

small town girl said...

Oh, the irony! I love irony.

How's it going with Atticus? I think the other's were right about him being a perfectionist. I used to suffer from this, especially as a child. It never really goes away but it can be eased. Love, and quiet encouragement should get you there. Just my 2 cents.

Salzwedel Family said...

Oh man! I can picture this all going down. I'm sure it is much more humorous on the outside looking in.

This could totally happen (and does) in my house.

Melanie said...

Hilarious! That sounds exactly like what would happen at my house...I'm trying so hard not to laugh out loud at work...I'm at work and crying again...darn you


ania said...

"Atticus cries because he can't remember what is left and what is right. Hattie tells him it doesn't matter, when it's time to change, just switch to the other side. He is okay with that."

What a great response from Hattie! I think most people, even 10 year old girls, might have decided to have a mini class, trying to reteach him left from right.

She's a cool kiddo.