Thursday, January 22, 2009

Laying Claim

Over the weekend, my sweet friend L over at Casa de King wrote this incredible post about parental entitlement.

Which got me thinking about where I am on the entitlement spectrum with my own boys. I always thought I felt was entitled to be their mom, but suddenly, I began to question how much claim I had placed upon them.

This end part has had me in knots. Every day I'm asked if I have heard anything, if I know when we'll travel, if I'm ready for them to come home.

In my heart, I'm ready.
In my mind, I'm ready.
In my reality, I'm not ready.

As I had posted earlier, the boys' bedroom has been a DISASTER. I had bags of donated clothing so generously given to us, but no room to store it except on the closet floor. I had a closet full of summer clothing for two little boys who grew bigger and were coming home in 10 degree snowy weather. I had gift bags full of toys from my shower that I never sorted through, because both I didn't want the other children to play with them, and I didn't have the heart to go through it all.

After reading Casa de King's post, however, I realized. I had let fear get the best of me. I was afraid that if I further fixed up there room, I'd be jinxing our file into a deep downward spiral. I was fearful that if I prepared for the boys to come home, that they never would. I was fearful to lay claim upon my boys.

For a while, I thought our adoption has been so drawn out because I needed to learn a lesson in patience. I realize that must sound kind of absurd--logistically, the adoption has been drawn out due to a series of mistakes and a few natural disasters. But I really believe that in most things, there is always a lesson to be learned, so I thought that mine was a lesson in patience.

More than anything now, I realize that I am learning a lot about fear. And I have really let fear take over in my life. I was letting fear get in the way of being an Entitled Parent.

Simply put, These boys are mine. Both legally and emotionally. As my friend so beautifully summed up:
"The DNA match has nothing to do with the children being ours. The adoption is complete. We are waiting on the US government to give us a piece of paper stating our children can immigrate to this country. They are both my children!”

Talk about the kick in the pants that I needed. It was time to let go of that fear.

I truly believe that children are our greatest blessing. I also believe that the arrival of EVERY child--whether it be the arrival of a newborn or a 4-year old--should be anticipated with Love, Joy and Preparation. I'm from a family that gives a Baby Shower for every baby. A third baby is no less special than the first, so let's celebrate and help the Mama prepare. After all, there is so much in life to mourn over, so when there is an opportunity to celebrate, you celebrate Big.

Ashamedly, I had let fear take away my Parental Right to celebrate the Impending Arrival of My Boys.

But no more.

I don't care if I have to wait 3 more weeks or 3 more months (okay, I do care, but for this illustration it doesn't matter), I will celebrate this time with all I have. I will not let fear take that away from me. I may mourn the time I have to wait for their arrival, but the point is that they WILL arrive.

These children are a Blessing and a Promise and deserve to be treated as such. I am laying claim to these children and will prepare for them.

So I did it. I began the Homecoming Preparation process, and it started with their closet.

I wish I had a camera to show you proof. Visualize, if you will, the contents of one closet and 3 large rubbermaid containers full of clothing Exploding out into a bedroom. Throw in toys, backpacks, and legos and there you have it. My boys' bedroom.

I cranked up the music, gave the kids' duties--sorting clothes by type and size, trying to match pajamas, preparing these dear Owl backpacks, which we will bring with us when we get the boys.

We planned out who will get what bed (there are 3, after all). We made labels for the closet so that everyone will know where things belong (3T jackets, Atticus' pants, Short-Sleeved 4T shirts, etc.)

In other words, I prepared.

Just as every entitled Mama should.


A Blessed Life said...

That's what I did last week.It's amazing how that one step makes you feel, huh? Their homecoming becomes so real! Now I love to just go in there and look at Sophia Nephtalie's stuff. Her stuff, in her room where she is GOING to be in the near future.
Share pictures when you get a chance.

Me said...

Ah, your flatteries are too kind. I'm glad it meant something to you. I'm proud of you for laying claim to those precious boys and preparing for their arrival.

Take care!

Sawatzky Kids said...

WooHoo for this post Miss Sarah! :) Those boys are yours and there is nothing that will stop God from bringing them to you!