Sunday, November 16, 2008

Five Hundred Forty-Eight

Our huge dossier landed in Haiti 548 days ago. Here is a picture of the gal at the UPS Store weighing it.

See how amused she looks? I think it's because my huge UPS bills gave her store the revenue boost needed to earn her the free trip to Hawaii.

I last held my two little boys 543 days ago.

Our files made it out of the Haitian process 108 days ago. Kinda sorta. I guess our files loved the passport office so much that they decided to go back for a third visit.

I remember back in March, when things started to seem endless as we were approaching the 10 month mark (my naivety makes me blush), I clearly remember blogging that I was going to put a "date" out of my mind and just be glad that they'd be home by Thanksgiving.

Crap. Why the heck did I have to write/think that? It should have occurred to me then how I would feel at this moment now, sitting here and knowing that Thanksgiving is around the corner.

My boys are not.

I have NO idea how many days until we get our boys. None. I'm no longer green enough to predict how long it will take us to get correct passports, or when the DNA test will be done, or when we could get Visas.

Counting all these "yesterdays" is a morose thing, but some days I can't help myself.

Most days I breeze right through. Wondering if it is my faith or my clinical psychological detachment that keeps me level and sane.

Some days I think about what I am missing, and I get weepy. Or mad. Both, really.

Some days I wonder if they will ever really come home.

Some days I sit and think about all the awful things that could happen to our files and prevent them from coming home.

Some days I think of all the potential trials, problems, issues we face in bringing home "older" children and I wonder, What the heck am I doing??? Fear will try and control your life, you know, if you let it.

I have no point to this post. No eloquent or uplifting thought to end it.

It's just a post about numbers really.

18 months.
548 days.

11 comments:

ManyBlessings said...

Hey girl. I'm praying.
dawn

Leslie said...

I'm so sorry. I am right there with you, having thought my daughter would be home by the specific date of Thanksgiving and now being without her.. Sometimes it is just really hard. Hoping your case gets unstuck soon.

bbbunch said...

Wish there was something I could do or say...just know me and my French Vanilla creamer are very close! :) Love ya,
Becky

Amanda said...

Lifting you up and praying for good news this week!

Sawatzky Kids said...

Praying those boys home with you friend! :)
Shelly

Chapter Two Manmi said...

I'm so sorry, Sarah. That pain is real and I remember too well. It hurts to read of yours. Sending a hug,
K

Laurie said...

I know it is discouraging & some days are so much harder than others.

Hoping your process gets moving & you have good news to post soon. You & yours are in our thoughts.

Hugs, Laurie

small town girl said...

One of my first naive moments of many was thinking that I could easly fit my dossier into my super cool shoulder bag/tote/brief-case to carry on the plan. I did stuff my original in there, though I could not zip it up and put the copies in my carry on. I never let that briefcase out of my sight. I was scared to death I would lose it. This morning I glanced at my Lilypie counter and felt shocked that it had rolled over to 16 months 2 days.

I feel your pain, and I hope you get word soon. Those boys are going to totally blossom under all your love and care. I am completely assured of that!

RUN FOR FUN OVER 40 said...

Sarah,

Praying and hoping along side you for some quick turn around in the DNA process. In reading everyone's pain in this process, sometiems I wish I had magical powers and could instantly remove the pain
and bring joy.....in the midst of all this gunck.

aves

This Mama said...

Dear Sarah,

I am really hoping this is a week of good news for you. Some progress. Some answers. Anything to give a little bit of hope.

Take care,
Mandy

Crystal said...

I am right there with ya. It has been far to long. My prayers are for your little ones and all the others waiting and waiting and waiting...Soon I know it will be Ugh! Its just gotta be right, right

Crystal