Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Ready to Burst

I am so ready to burst right now, just not in a good way.

Today has, by far and away, been my most difficult day in dealing with this end-of-process wait. My blood pressure is so high right now that I can feel my pulse pounding in my ears.

I am so unbelievably mad and frustrated that it is nearly the END of September, and here we sit with no birth parent interview done. The one that could have been done at any time after Mother's Day.

I fully realize that it does no good to be mad and frustrated. Most days I completely get that, and while sad, I can go about my business just fine.

Today is not one of those days.

The unknowns of the wait are killing me.

The fact that I have the two most adorable homecoming outfits---summmer outfits--hanging in their closet-- that I need to put away because it will be to darn cold to wear them when they actually do come home-- is absolutely killing me.

I flip flop from wanting to punch something out to wanting to scream every cuss word I know to wanting to sit in a corner and wail. Please tell me I'm normal.

Tomorrow will be better, I know. Today I need to just get a grip; it's just that my blood pressure is not letting me.


Me said...

Hang in there! I sent you an email.

Amanda said...

Yeah...momma never said there'd be days like this, huh?

Maybe you should invest in a punching bag?

I totally understand how the emotions can just be all over the radar. That doesn't exclude anger, I'm sure.

I'm praying for you now that God will grant you peace and MOVE YOUR FILE! :~)

ManyBlessings said...

I'm not being sarcastic here, you ARE completely normal. I think the process is enough to drive anyone to the brink. ((HUGS))

Jen said...

You are totally normal! To know that what is holding you up now could have been done months ago?!?! I would be livid. M better get her sh*t together fast or no one is going to be adopting from her. This is ridiculous...

Katy said...

Totally normal emotions!! I hurt for you...There is no logical reason or way to explain to our hearts why our babies or their families have to wait so long...I am still praying for you!

Matt and Carlyn said...

You are completely normal. I feel the same way. This process is so difficult and frustrating. I've been pretty ticked off and teary, too. I just have to keep focussing on the joy we'll have when our kiddos are FINALLY home! Praying that's soon for both of us!

Anonymous said...

oh my lord you are not normal, I would have been punching crap months ago....I have no idea how you have been holding yourself together so well with all this delay and disappointment, I am angry for you!
Bite the walls - you have every reason to be upset!!

Aves @ Call of the Phoebe said...

I am sorry for this delay..I would be going crazy myself...something that could have been done months ago...some things in this process are unexplainable, this is one of them.....


Beau said...

You are normal and I would think that there was something wrong with you if it didn't get to you sometimes! Besides...the passion that you feel is what is making you a great mother - to ALL your children.

Here to listen anytime!

mom said...

Sarah I am just catching up and was just catching up on your blog. I am so sorry this makes me so bad to. I can't believe what you guys are going through. Hand in there and I will be one of the first cheering as loud as I can when they come home.