"I'm done" has kind of been my mantra for the week.
From having the birth parents bail out on our interview, to being hollered at by my self-entitled, pregnant 17-year old mentee for not going to visit her everyday while she was on a 2-week restriction for enabling a 14-year old pregnant girl to run away, to finding out that my dear grandma is not doing well and is being placed in assisted living, the week has taken a big mental/emotional toll.
In the past, it has been my nature to run, hide and ignore. I think it's from PTSD after my dad died, but that's a whole 'nother post. And I'm kind of tired of the whole hide my head in the sand thing. In dealing with the "situation" that I've been trying to work through for the better part of the past year (how cryptic is that? sorry, not trying to be dramatic, just discreet), I've finally regained some strength that I had long ago. "Door mat" is no longer in my job description.
"Deal with it," was my response to my mentee, but in nicer terms, of course. I will be here to help J, but damned if I'll be a whipping post. If she were in my home and pulled that Aiding and Abetting a Runaway stunt, her dupa would be grounded for way longer than 2 weeks.
At first shaken by our hour long conversation where I was told in detail how I am doing everything "wrong," and then spending the better part of 2 days frustrated at these girls' lack of taking responsibility for one's actions and lack of argument logic, I shrugged my shoulders and accepted that that is just how things are. It does me no good to sit feeling shocked at the continual displays of self-entitlement that run rampant through these girls. Or their addiction to Jerry Springer guest-like behaviors. It's just how things are.
As for the adoption, no news there and I'm all talked out and thought out about it. Running has been my saving grace through this all. Nothing like pounding pavement early in the morning so that I can fall into bed at night, too exhausted to wax philosophic on my life, instead plummeting into a deep sleep within 30 seconds of hitting the mattress.
So I'm trying to do more positive things, honing in on all the good things in my life. Thank God for friends like my friend Becky. I took the kids and hunkered down at her house all day yesterday and loved every minute of it. She helps me regain my mental sanity in more ways than she'll ever know.
And the Mister for encouraging me to try new things. Last weekend the kids and I learned to kayak in his new boat. And we all loved it. So last night I mustered up the courage to join the GB Kayak Club on the Fox River (ewww. . . I know, but I promise I'm not glowing in the dark or growing a 3rd eye. . .at least not one I can see out of yet). A bit nervous because the Fox is 'thick' and I can't see the bottom, so I'm guessing it's pretty deep. Very different from the clear, shallow water at the cottage. So the Mister's boat was not the boat for me this time around, as I was very grateful to use Josh P's wooden kayak, which offered a very stable ride.
Aside from a big case of motion sickness (yes, I am such a weenie, but that's just how I roll), I had a great time.
I'm totally stealing this pic from Josh at GB Regulators. (I'm on the right, holding the black paddle.) Is it stealing if I give him the credit?