As found this morning posted on the Five Frozen Chamorro kitchen refrigerator this morning:
"We, the members of the Board of Various Household Items, both of large and small value, all existing within the confines of the domicile of the Five Frozen Chamorros, do hereby demand humane and dignified treatment. It has come to our attention that the aforementioned humane and dignified treatment is currently lacking, and so our requests are as follows:
Mr. Discarded Band-Aid Wrapper says, "Although I may be just garbage, I have the right to congregate in an area with other members of like value(aka the trashcan). In other words: COME ON PEOPLE! It's only 3 feet away! Let me decompose in peace!"
Ms. Displaced Student Tools requests: "In exchange for my important work as a Student Aid Device, I demand a clean, dry shelter, away from the dangerous elements which could negatively affect my resale value (ie., Paloma the marker cap thief)."
Mr. G. Twoshoes affirms: "I have the right to live in a peaceful environment, removed from the constant fear of being blamed for tripping someone who just walked in from outside while carrying a bag of groceries, an armful of library books, or a baby."
And last, but certainly not least, Mr. Toothbrush admonishes: "If you expect me to do my job of keeping your mouth clean and germ-free, then I demand the right to live in a sterile, stainless-steel environment (and NOT in a bacteria-infested pool of your own saliva!)"
"Resolved, if the Members of the Five Frozen Chamorro household adhere to the board's above recommendations, this board then promises that, in return, the Head Female Frozen Chamorro (aka MOM!) will transform from a grouchy nag whose hair is turning grey due to constant repetition of household rules into a smiley, apron-donning, pearl-wearing June Cleave-wannabe who will happily continue to create a peaceful, nuturing environment for all to enjoy."